TL;DR: Feelings are hard, but things do actually get better.
Hello again, America.
Don't worry, I'm not going to document my thoughts every day of the impending Trump presidency (although that would be an interesting/healthy way to process everything) because that honestly sounds like too much work. Laziness is winning out on that one.
Instead, I want to talk about how I feel on this Thursday, November 10, 2016:
I feel better.
Believe me, I'm just as shocked as you. I did not expect to feel as okay as I do as quickly as I did. I'm going to try to explain my process, and hopefully that can help some of you feel better, too.
First off, let me explain that I have no desire to invalidate your feelings. If you are still hurting, still scared, still angry, I get that. I felt it. I still feel it. But it's not clouding my every thought now. It's not echoing through the already crowded chambers of my mind, shouting and screaming over every other thought and emotion like it was Tuesday night and Wednesday morning. It has become quiet and manageable, and it now informs (instead of dictates) a lot of what I think about Mr. President-elect.
It took me most of the day Wednesday to get there. And, if I'm being 100% truthful, a good chunk of it is because I got enough sleep last night. It's amazing what seven solid hours of sleep will do for you when you've been running on fumes and sadness/anxiety for two days. Seriously.
Wednesday proved to me that the universe may actually be a relatively benevolent thing because many good things happened. Here's a short list:
1) I saw some of my best friends. We hugged out our sorrow and sadness. We hissed out our anger and unclenched our jaws.
2) I talked to my dad. Dad is a hopeless optimist and helped me see that all is, in fact, not lost. He told me he how he voted and how this election was different for him (which touched me more than I let on during the phone call). He talked me through some of the anxiety and anger. He pointed out that while we don't yet know what Trump will do (because he was beyond unspecific during the campaign), that could also work out in our favor. Honestly, just being able to speak it to someone with no filters was a YUGE help (I joke to keep from crying).
3) I watched Hillary's concession speech. Then I watched President Obama's remarks. I may or may not have cried a little.
4) I ate lunch at Chipotle.
5) I talked to my mom. Mom is slightly less optimistic than Dad, but only just. Mom is good a pointing out where I'm not being fair with someone. On top of that, she gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. She passed that on to me, and I'm kind of grateful for it. It has helped me move on.
That was my process. I understand that not everyone can fulfill those same steps and that those same steps will not work for everyone. But, it has helped me, and I'm not that different from most other people.
I was so impressed by Hillary's words. She had every reason to rage. She had been ahead in all the polls. She had campaigned hard to help Democrats down ballot in places where Democrats don't usually win. She had won the popular vote! More people voted for her than for Mr. Trump! However, she didn't rage. She didn't get angry. She didn't rile up her supporters. Instead, she told us she was sorry she didn't win. She told us how honored she was to represent us. She spoke to little girls, who might have been doubting their worth in a country that elected Donald Trump after what he said about women. She told them they have a future.
She told us that she had congratulated Mr. Trump on his victory and that she had offered to help him in any way she could. She said she would work with him and his team to help move the country forward.
Guys, she set an example.
President Obama followed up on that. He mentioned that wanted to work with Mr. Trump. He mentioned that we are all Americans before we are our parties.
I'm striving to follow their example, and it's helping me. I want to work to make this country better, and right now that means working with the other side. I mean, it's always meant that, but now that I'm in a minority party it's especially true.
We can make it through this, team. Obama campaigned on hope. Hillary campaigned on hope. Don't give up on it just because she lost. Cling to it all the harder now, because hope is what will carry us through.
This does not mean, by any measure, that I excuse Mr. Trump for the things he has said and done. Hillary said he deserves a shot at being a good leader and he does. He won a majority of votes from the Electoral College. That's how the Constitution set things up, and I uphold that document. He deserves a shot to make up for his mistakes. But I will be watching. And if he slips up, I will use all the power and authority I have to make him pay for it. I will protest the actions I find unconscionable. I will rage against more bigotry and hate. And I will shout loudly and proudly from any rooftops that we as Americans are better than that.
Thursday, November 10, 2016
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
November 2016
TL;DR: ...
I honestly don't know what to say. There are so many thoughts running through my head right now, and all of them stem from the election last night. Here's a list, in no particular order.
1) All the swears. Literally all of them.
2) How the hell did this happen?? Nobody had Donald Trump pegged as the next president of the United States. Nobody. Except maybe those alt right websites? Wtf did they see that expert pollsters and political scientists couldn't???
3) More swears.
4) I'm scared. As an out and proud gay man, I am unsure of my place in a Donald Trump America. Marriage equality may not be overturned with his first Supreme Court pick (God bless you, Chief Justice Roberts), but what if he gets more than one? What if they decide to revisit that decision and then decide the Court was wrong? What will that do to me? What will that do to my gay friends who are married to people they love? What about my gay friends who are thinking about marriage? This will surely put some unnecessary pressure on them to make a decision.
5) I'm scared for my friends. I'm scared for my best friend, Madelyn, who relies on Obamacare for affordable healthcare. What happens to her when the Republican government gets all sworn in and they finally have the majorities they need to repeal it? I have yet to hear a solid replacement plan.
What is going to happen to my HR director, a Pakistani Muslim? Will she be deported, even though she is here legally? Will she be forced onto some sort of registry? Will she be unable to find peace at a mosque because they'll all be under surveillance?
6) Still more swears.
7) I'm tired. My frenzied brain only slept for about three hours last night, and that was only because I took some Benadryl to help it.
8) I'm conflicted. On the one hand, the political scientist in me is, at once, pleased and confused. It's pleased that so many Americans exercised their right to vote. It's pleased that that became the motto of the last week of the campaign: go vote! Make your voice heard! It's pleased that Hillary Clinton has not immediately called for a civil war. It's pleased that President Obama has called Donald Trump to congratulate him on his victory and is ready (grudgingly, yes, but ultimately ready) to hand over power peacefully. American democracy can withstand this, early indications suggest.
My inner political scientist is confused because all normal political signs said Clinton would easily win. It's confused because it doesn't know what to think anymore. Everything I studied about politics for five years suggested this couldn't happen. And yet...
9) I'm sad. To me, this campaign wasn't about Democrats vs. Republicans. To me, this campaign was about love and human decency. I really believed in what Hillary Clinton said: that this was an election about what kind of country we are and want to be. I really believed that America was a country that welcomed immigrants. I believed it was a country that protected its weakest and most vulnerable. I believed it was a country that protected freedom and personal liberties.
What does electing Donald Trump say about all of that? This man campaigned on building a wall to keep out Mexicans and stopping the flow of refugees (REFUGEES) because they *might* be harboring terrorists. He openly mocked a disabled reporter. He viciously attacked a Muslim gold-star family. He picked a violently anti-LGBT running mate. He talked about sexual assault like it was a joke.
What does that say about us as Americans? To me, it looks and feels an awful lot like everyone who voted for him doesn't care about those things. On one hand, I know that's not the case, but on the other, I can't know for certain. Is this what we truly value as a country? The kind of people who can do and say the things he did?
10) I want and don't want to be mad. It's a complicated feeling.
11) ...f*ck...
I honestly don't know what to say. There are so many thoughts running through my head right now, and all of them stem from the election last night. Here's a list, in no particular order.
1) All the swears. Literally all of them.
2) How the hell did this happen?? Nobody had Donald Trump pegged as the next president of the United States. Nobody. Except maybe those alt right websites? Wtf did they see that expert pollsters and political scientists couldn't???
3) More swears.
4) I'm scared. As an out and proud gay man, I am unsure of my place in a Donald Trump America. Marriage equality may not be overturned with his first Supreme Court pick (God bless you, Chief Justice Roberts), but what if he gets more than one? What if they decide to revisit that decision and then decide the Court was wrong? What will that do to me? What will that do to my gay friends who are married to people they love? What about my gay friends who are thinking about marriage? This will surely put some unnecessary pressure on them to make a decision.
5) I'm scared for my friends. I'm scared for my best friend, Madelyn, who relies on Obamacare for affordable healthcare. What happens to her when the Republican government gets all sworn in and they finally have the majorities they need to repeal it? I have yet to hear a solid replacement plan.
What is going to happen to my HR director, a Pakistani Muslim? Will she be deported, even though she is here legally? Will she be forced onto some sort of registry? Will she be unable to find peace at a mosque because they'll all be under surveillance?
6) Still more swears.
7) I'm tired. My frenzied brain only slept for about three hours last night, and that was only because I took some Benadryl to help it.
8) I'm conflicted. On the one hand, the political scientist in me is, at once, pleased and confused. It's pleased that so many Americans exercised their right to vote. It's pleased that that became the motto of the last week of the campaign: go vote! Make your voice heard! It's pleased that Hillary Clinton has not immediately called for a civil war. It's pleased that President Obama has called Donald Trump to congratulate him on his victory and is ready (grudgingly, yes, but ultimately ready) to hand over power peacefully. American democracy can withstand this, early indications suggest.
My inner political scientist is confused because all normal political signs said Clinton would easily win. It's confused because it doesn't know what to think anymore. Everything I studied about politics for five years suggested this couldn't happen. And yet...
9) I'm sad. To me, this campaign wasn't about Democrats vs. Republicans. To me, this campaign was about love and human decency. I really believed in what Hillary Clinton said: that this was an election about what kind of country we are and want to be. I really believed that America was a country that welcomed immigrants. I believed it was a country that protected its weakest and most vulnerable. I believed it was a country that protected freedom and personal liberties.
What does electing Donald Trump say about all of that? This man campaigned on building a wall to keep out Mexicans and stopping the flow of refugees (REFUGEES) because they *might* be harboring terrorists. He openly mocked a disabled reporter. He viciously attacked a Muslim gold-star family. He picked a violently anti-LGBT running mate. He talked about sexual assault like it was a joke.
What does that say about us as Americans? To me, it looks and feels an awful lot like everyone who voted for him doesn't care about those things. On one hand, I know that's not the case, but on the other, I can't know for certain. Is this what we truly value as a country? The kind of people who can do and say the things he did?
10) I want and don't want to be mad. It's a complicated feeling.
11) ...f*ck...
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